My father committed suicide when I was eight, but that reality was not known to me until a few years later because it was such a taboo subject. Silence was golden.
Diane, You have the compelling beginnings of a story that could be very healing for people to read. I was well acquainted with two scholars of religion, Bill Peck and Frederick Buechner, who lost children and a father to suicide. Buechner wrote "Sacred Journey" which you might find relatable. He was 10 when his father killed himself. This article may or may not be behind a paywall. If it is, let me know and i will lift it for you. https://jimbuie.substack.com/p/memorial-for-a-giant-in-religious
Losing a parent always hurts. As a young child I... Well, I can’t begin to imagine. I've read part one and two and I am touched beyond words. Peace and strength to you.
Honestly it was all taking place not in my radar. Adult stuff. All I remember is that my father’s brother owned a toy outlet, and he kept giving me toys. Even I wondered what’s up with that?
Thank you, Diane, for sharing your sad, touching story about your father's suicide. What a traumatic experience for a seven-year-old to navigate alone! And, unfortunately, you were alone, even though you were surrounded by family members. Were they your mother's family or your father's family? If they were your mother's people, I suspect they were full of anger at your dad for bringing tragedy, heartbreak, and the law into your lives. Which does not excuse the fact that NO ONE in your family explained your father's death to you in words a seven-year-old could comprehend. They were cowards, and you suffered for it. Your close, loving relationship with your mother was a blessing to both of you. I hate that you lost both parents when they were relatively young, but I'm glad you and your mother shared common interests. I hope you will keep writing.
Thank you, Hammond. You are almost right in that it was my mother’s family, but I did not mention my father’s family that swooped to try to adopt while my mother was deep in grief. We severed relationships with them in court. They were wealthy compared to us, but I’m so fortunate my mother and grandparents fought that battle.
I send you hugs and good vibrations from London. I should hasten to add that the loving vibrations from your parents will always out-vibrate anyone else's🙏🧘🌌
Thanks, yes, but my mother became a saint and made my schooling and college years totally normal. It would have been worse if I had been a teen or young adult I’m sure.
So true. I understand that many people choose suicide because of unbearable pain -- both physical and emotional -- but I believe they would be heartbroken if they could see the hurt, confusion , chaos, and anger that often follows their deaths.
True. I gave up long ago trying to understand, but I know more now than I did even as a young adult. I’ll write some more about it later. Thanks for your comment, Manuel.
I’m so sorry Diane. Love and hugs to you and little you.
Thanks so much, Jim. Please do!
Diane, You have the compelling beginnings of a story that could be very healing for people to read. I was well acquainted with two scholars of religion, Bill Peck and Frederick Buechner, who lost children and a father to suicide. Buechner wrote "Sacred Journey" which you might find relatable. He was 10 when his father killed himself. This article may or may not be behind a paywall. If it is, let me know and i will lift it for you. https://jimbuie.substack.com/p/memorial-for-a-giant-in-religious
Thank you--I’ll check it out.
I could not get beyond the paywall except to sign up for a 7 day trial.
Losing a parent always hurts. As a young child I... Well, I can’t begin to imagine. I've read part one and two and I am touched beyond words. Peace and strength to you.
Thanks. It seems like another lifetime, and the suffering was there, not currently. I’ve grown a bit wiser because of it however. I hope!
Of course! You write so well that it put me right there with that little girl. You have a gift.
Thank you so much❤️
Nothing like compounding tragedy with more trauma, huh? I'm so glad they were unsuccessful!
Honestly it was all taking place not in my radar. Adult stuff. All I remember is that my father’s brother owned a toy outlet, and he kept giving me toys. Even I wondered what’s up with that?
Thank you, Diane, for sharing your sad, touching story about your father's suicide. What a traumatic experience for a seven-year-old to navigate alone! And, unfortunately, you were alone, even though you were surrounded by family members. Were they your mother's family or your father's family? If they were your mother's people, I suspect they were full of anger at your dad for bringing tragedy, heartbreak, and the law into your lives. Which does not excuse the fact that NO ONE in your family explained your father's death to you in words a seven-year-old could comprehend. They were cowards, and you suffered for it. Your close, loving relationship with your mother was a blessing to both of you. I hate that you lost both parents when they were relatively young, but I'm glad you and your mother shared common interests. I hope you will keep writing.
~ hammond
Thank you, Hammond. You are almost right in that it was my mother’s family, but I did not mention my father’s family that swooped to try to adopt while my mother was deep in grief. We severed relationships with them in court. They were wealthy compared to us, but I’m so fortunate my mother and grandparents fought that battle.
I send you hugs and good vibrations from London. I should hasten to add that the loving vibrations from your parents will always out-vibrate anyone else's🙏🧘🌌
Thank you so much!
🙏🏻❤️. I’m sorry he missed your growing up.
I think he was up there watching over me all these years.
Yes, I’m sure you are right. 🙏🏻
Such a sad story. ❤️
Thanks, yes, but my mother became a saint and made my schooling and college years totally normal. It would have been worse if I had been a teen or young adult I’m sure.
Peace to you. Suicide touches all of us, unfortunately, and the survivors struggle on wondering "why?"
So true. I understand that many people choose suicide because of unbearable pain -- both physical and emotional -- but I believe they would be heartbroken if they could see the hurt, confusion , chaos, and anger that often follows their deaths.
Yes.
True. I gave up long ago trying to understand, but I know more now than I did even as a young adult. I’ll write some more about it later. Thanks for your comment, Manuel.